Honesty

Well, here I am a little less than six weeks before my due date, feeling compelled to write a little something...for all you moms-to-be / women who want to be pregnant - and again, for myself.  I want to remember all of this...even the messy, random, or lovely bits.  It's all part of this amazing, slightly odd, sometimes uncomfortable, painful process.  And it's just one woman's take, so please take it with a grain of salt, but here's how it's been for me.  ;) 

 

To all the women who glow instead of sweat, glide gracefully instead of waddle, wear heels (which sometimes, SOMETIMES I do) instead of sandals or flats, expand just in the belly area instead of in the belly and all surrounding areas, while growing a couple of extra chins and asses, don't swell to ridiculous proportions when being on your feet for too long, don't have foot and leg cramps, can bend over (doing something as simple as tying shoe laces) and sit / lay with ease...etc...I envy you.   I envy you, and I hate you.  Just a little bit.  Haha!  Just kidding.  Kind of. 

During my pregnancy, there have been times of absolute misery.  There have also been brief moments of pure joy and pride like I have never experienced.  Brief, lol.  I swore I would never, ever do this again; it was a "one and done" thing - especially in the beginning.  Now, who knows.  I still have quite a ways to go, but I will tell you one thing...it's already worth it.  Sincerely, I cannot wait to meet my son.  To lay eyes on him for the first time will surely be one of the best moments of my life.  To see Eric holding him for the first time may just be thee best moment of my life...we shall see in just a few short weeks...Holy cow, I am going to be a MOTHER!   

BEST WORD TO DESCRIBE MY PREGNANCY:  ADJUSTMENT.

First Trimester (Conception - 13 Weeks): 

Yay!  We did it!  We created a miracle and I get to grow it in my belly.  It's exciting and wonderful and then suddenly...it's not.  Life is so dramatically different.  Now...please excuse me while I go puke in the bathroom, and turn off all the lights to ease my migraine.   

Most women learn they are pregnant around 6 - 10 weeks, whereas I found out the MOMENT I got pregnant - like 3 weeks along, which is almost not even pregnant at all.  The excitement of getting pregnant wore off at around week 8 or 9 when I realized how tired I was, and I was sick all the time; throwing up and suffering from the most intense migraines.  I remember one day very well where I just broke down on the couch from the pain of my headache and my severe exhaustion.  I just kept crying, "I don't think I can do this, I don't know what to do.  I'm in so much pain."  My poor husband didn't know what to say or do.  So I just cried.  It was awful.  I also had other issues some women have the joy of experiencing during pregnancy...we won't go there today. 

Beyond all of that, I had just lost 30 pounds and was finally getting used to having a slice of self-esteem, which has never been easy for me.  Adjusting to gaining weight was an issue for me, mentally. Please don't say, "it's a baby - it's part of the process - it's normal - blah blah." I know this. I am just saying that mentally, I struggled and am still struggling with this.  

I also had to adjust my lifestyle tremendously.   Eric and I like to have a good time: We go out a lot, we enjoy adult beverages, we exercise regularly and I train very hard (I was actually trianing for the 1/2 marathon pre-preggo), we played on a co-ed softball team, played golf, went on hikes, etc. Since I got pregnant, all I wanted to do was sleep - again, especially in the first trimester.  

Second Trimester (14 Weeks - 27 Weeks):

There is a light at the end of the sicky tunnel...but the hard times are far from over.  At least I have some energy back!

The second trimester was better for me because I wasn't puking and the migraines seemed to ease up.  (I even stopped taking the prescription of Fioricet the doc gave me.)  To be 1000% honest, I can't remember much about it.  Can you say pregnancy brain?  I even went back and read some of my old blog posts - we had an awesome vacation, lol.  I did have 2 spells where I tingled all over, got insanely hot and clammy and blacked out.  Scary - but it must have been low blood sugar or dehydration.  Thankfully - nothing serious.  I still got tired easily, but I was back at the gym, walking the dogs - feeling more like myself again, which was so nice.  I also remember feeling ridiculous levels of excitement about the gender reveal!  That was probably the best part:  Finding out it was a boy and beginning to call him by his name, Cooper.  It made me feel like I was already getting to know him, and he's a special dude.       

Third Trimester (28 Weeks and Beyond):

Still goin' strong.  Energy is up, but when I'm tired...I'm reallllll tired.  Feel overwhelmingly self-conscious and emotional as well.  All part of the process, I suppose.  Swelling, sweating, peeing all the time, intense leg and foot cramps that last an eternity and sleeping for 2 hours a pop are all part of the process as well.  ;)  A surprise trip to the ER was an experience, as well.  It's been a crazy ride...but I am glad I am getting to the end...which is really just the beautiful, crazy beginning.   

I'm still in the middle (or the end?) of the third trimester, but I will note that a few weeks ago, it hit really me.  I popped out (literally, my belly decided to POP out), and I am having a baby. 

The leg (mostly calf) and foot cramps are bad.  Real bad.  They last for about 15-20 minutes each, and I shake uncontrollably from being so tired from trying to flex my foot / stand to help remedy the situation.  Eric has helped in any way he can when these cramps happen - very sweet. 

The emotional drama began (or was magnified) for me in this trimester too...  Up to this point, I hadn't been overly dramatic or emotional yet.  I said overly.  Sure, I had moments, but it was nothing like I thought it would be.  I didn't cry often (except with the migraines), I didn't ask Eric to do much for me, I didn't have any freak outs and scream at him...but the third trimester brought out all kinds of crazy feelings.  Mostly sad / depressed feelings...but I will say that for the most part they, thankfully, have passed.  I have been proactive, have sought out friends and family for advice, and have chosen to not stress myself out.  Some days are easier than others, but I am doing it.  Adjusting, and accepting. :)   

Also, weight wise, I feel heavier but somehow don't mind it as much as I used to.  I feel more of a sense of pride, instead of shame.  Let me explain...I had an incident where I was hit in the abdomen and fell to the ground at the gym and had to go to the hospital to be monitored - from that moment on I decided to enjoy every last moment because I am blessed.

This pregnancy has had it's ups and it has had many downs.  I am still learning how to deal with it all, navigate my thoughts and feelings, adjust my lifestyle, accept things, focus on the positive, learn patience, and look forward to what will be one of the best days of my life.  It's worth it.  He'll be soooo worth it. 

Now...Baby boy.  You may come any day you're ready.  I am ready for you.