I Love You, You're Perfect... Now Change. The High School Years

"I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change" would be the ideal title for my High School (and some of college) years...but unfortunately for me, it's already an off-broadway play. (See Wiki Page HERE)

Leaving Cocopah Middle School and transitioning into Chaparral High School was nothing short of a blast for me. FRESHMAN girls couldn't try out for the Pom (*dance*) or Cheer teams, so year one of High School was spent with my best friends (Britany-who to this day I adore, Lindsay, Angie, Stephanie, and more...), and participating in National Charity League with my mom. (At this point in my life, my brother and sister were both in college at USC.) My Freshman year came to an end, which meant it was time to try out for the Pom team. I told myself there was no way I would be selected...They were reigning State Champs and placed 3rd at Nationals for goodness sake! However...much to my surprise and delight...I made the squad! So did my friend Lindsay, and I was so looking forward to making 8 new friends, too. It was amazing. The summer was spent working out, training to sharpen my dance skills, and in dance team practice. I think I snuck a vacation to Maui in there, too. Life did not suck. Little did I know it was about to get even better...


SOPHOMORE YEAR was truly a highlight in my life: I was on the dance team and we won the State Championships, my braces were off, family was good, my friends were incredible, and I met, let's just call him Sean.

A LITTLE ABOUT "SEAN": Sean had our mutual friend Janelle (who was on the dance team with me) ask if I was interested in him, and even though I was sort of beginning to see someone else, I was interested. Sean was the Captain of the baseball team, was tall, tan, handsome, and very nice - truly the All American boy. My mom was overjoyed! We began dating pretty quickly after that and became High School Sweethearts. I remember his baseball coach coming up to me saying, "He really likes you, so decide now if you like him. If you keep dating him, you can't break up with him until the season is over. Pitchers are too emotional. If you're unsure, end it now." Needless to say, I didn't break up with him and he won the baseball State Championship. We dated solidly as well as "on again, off again" for a total of 5 (ish) years. While we were in high school, we were pretty much inseparable. I loved his family, he loved mine, and we had the same group of friends. It seemed like nothing could go wrong...Right?!? So wrong. I didn't know that yet though. I was in love, totally naive, and completely oblivious to the fact that my self esteem was about to drop tremendously. Sean would occasionally say things to me about my appearance that "I should work on," but I always felt loved so it never bothered me (consciously). I was ignorantly on cloud 9. I'll get to what I had to work on later...just know...I began hearing about it a year into our relationship. Again...SO WRONG.

Anyway, sophomore year was incredible for me, and I will always be thankful for it. I learned a tremendous amount about myself, and even more about love.

Over the summer, Sean was selected for the USA Junior Olympic Baseball Team and got the chance to go to Taiwan to compete! He pitched the winning game and took home a gold medal! I was so proud. Part of my summer was spent at dance camp in California with the Pom team - some seriously amazing, hilarious times there. When Sean and I both returned to Arizona, I think we fell even more in love. So much so, that he gave me a gorgeous diamond promise ring that he purchased for me in Taiwan. It was a promise to each other that someday, we would get married. He had this whole, beautiful speech that was basically a pre-proposal. Seriously, this boy had moments of utter brilliance when it came to loving me - he could be very romantic. But then he would tell me things like, "You're a 10, but you'd be an 11 with a boob job." (And SO much more.) Romance. Smashed. Even this guy who LOVED me so much didn't think I was good enough as I was. Self...esteem...began...slowly...dropping... Still blissfully, or stupidly in love at this point though.

JUNIOR YEAR was a year filled with a plethora of varied experiences - some great, and some terrible. I was told after my sophomore year that my Dad got a job in California, and that I had to move. My heart sank, my world shattered - I was a dramatic teenager, after all. It seemed like my life was "perfect" and my parents expected me to MOVE?! I thought they'd done this already - because they'd already put my sister through a move after her Junior year of High School. Yes, my poor sister moved for her Senior year of High School. She was a trooper, and ended up being the Captain of the Cheer team at her new school. Though, I'm fairly certain she would have preferred staying at her first High School. She was the Cheer Captain there too, and she had established her group of best friends. She was happy. When it comes to moving at inopportune moments...we can relate. At CHS, I had everything going for me. I was happy. How could I move? My parents tried the best they could to accommodate me, and I got to stay in an apartment with my mom for the first half of my Junior year. Then...I moved to Huntington Beach. ( I know, how terrbile, right!? ;) )

SECOND SEMESTER OF JUNIOR YEAR at HBHS was...interesting. Sean and I decided we'd beat the odds, and try to have a long distance relationship. It started off great. (Doesn't it always?) Also, I made friends really easily, which was such a blessing. I had a friend in the gated community we lived in (Nick), and joined the OC Chapter of National Charity League as well where I met amazing girls (Kelly, Serena and Jamie, specifically). Also, since the HBHS athletic department was...umm...not as stellar as my previous High School...I opted not to join the "dance" team. Yes. I used quotes. Instead, I followed my passion right into The Academy for the Performing Arts(APA) and met some incredible friends there, too. Chelsey was my first friend at APA, and to this day we're still friends. I love you CHOW-TAY! (She is living out her Broadway dreams in NYC and is truly a star. Proud of you!) Anyway, because of the process of moving, I missed auditions for their musical so the end of my Junior year was lived kind of half heartedly on my part. I didn't have a distraction. Don't get me wrong, I had great friends and lived in such a beautiful place, but I missed my old life in Arizona. I missed the dance team. I missed my friends. I missed Sean.

Sean and I talked every night, and saw each other as often as we could. It was usually about once a month. Lucky for us, our parents were very supportive of us being together so we would make the 6 hour haul each way to see each other for a weekend of fun. That summer we got to spend a lot of time together, too. It was wonderful.

SENIOR YEAR brought all kinds of change into my life. My Mom and Dad were doing well - busy as ever. My brother was still at USC and was about to graduate, too. My sister was in the working world and getting her Masters Degree. Sean and I were still together, but we were hanging by a thread and were arguing a lot more than usual. It was getting to be very difficult to maintain a relationship with barely seeing each other. He was a Freshman at U of A and was on the baseball team, while I was still workin' on graduating from High School. Things were getting rocky. Enter, let's call him Phil...

I auditioned for the first musical of the year, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and was cast as: Mrs. Potiphar, a Pharaoh cheerleader, and was the dance co-captain with my friend Rachel.
Many of my friends were involved in this production, and it was such a great time. Phil was the understudy for Joseph, and was in the ensemble as well. He was very cute...looked similar to Justin Timberlake at the time. This was particularly hilarious because at the time, my job was a Britney Spears impersonator. Yep. I got paid to dress, act, sing and dance like Britney at birthday parties, Girl Scout meetings, etc. No, I was not a stripper. I want to be perfectly clear on that. It was really quite innocent, and fantastic pay. ;) Anyway, we were known as "Justin and Britney" which at the time was quite the compliment. It was pre-Britney going crazy, shaving her head, and walking around in public bathrooms with no shoes on. Yuck. Anyway - it seemed Sean was just too much work - and I am sure he felt like I was, too. The difference was, he wanted to work it out and I didn't (at this point). I was interested in Phil, and he was really into me.

Appearances seemed to matter EVEN MORE at this point in my life, what with being on stage and all...so I decided it would be a great idea to not eat. Or when I did eat, to quickly throw it up. Smart, right? Phil was really into being physically fit, loved to run, and barely ate...so I followed suit. He would also occasionally check in with me about what I ate that day - when I said nothing, he would ask me how much I lost - when I said X lbs, he said, "That's all?" It was like he was shocked that I wasn't losing weight! It didn't bother me at the time, but it bothers me now because not only does that mean he thought I wasn't thin enough, he was enabling and allowing me to starve myself. Oh well. Teen years are crazy times.

So, we quickly fell madly in love, but that love ended soon after it began, and quite suddenly. It was very hard for me, but Phil was young. It all makes sense to me now.

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.”
— Alex Tan


Luckily for me I had the amazing support of my friends (namely Chelsey (APA), Jamie (NCL) and Emily (APA and seriously my best friend Senior Year...we did everything together - she is amazing...), and interest from another guy who wanted to date me. I won't even mention much about him because he didn't influence my life in the slightest - except maybe to reinforce why I don't smoke weed, lol. We did go to Senior Prom together, and I took him as my date to my National Charity League Debutante Ball / Presents - ya know, where you wear a big white dress, and get presented into the world. I was also dancing in the musical Oklahoma! so I had things to keep me distracted and not focused on heartbreak.

Anyway. All of that being said...Senior Year was rapidly coming to an end. I had applied to so many colleges (Long Beach, USC, UofA, ASU, etc.) and was about to be a graduate, WITH HONORS. I was also nominated for Best Dancer in a Musical, had ridiculously amazing friends, and was about to head to college after one last summer of fun (which will be in the next post). Not to mention, Sean and I were still keeping in touch - that door had not been closed permanently.

Life certainly had its challenging moments, but always found a way to work itself out.

As the wise Mr. Bob Marley said / sang, "Every little thing is gonna be all right."

*PHOTOS COMING SOON*

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