32 Weeks & A Note

Hello fatty.
Had to get a better pic of
the board this week.
HOW FAR ALONG?:  32 Weeks – that is 2 months (8 weeks) to go, people!

TOTAL WEIGHT GAIN?:  19 pounds as of my check up last week (which I think was generous, only a 1 lb gain), so really at this point, I would guesstimate about 22 pounds.  So excited to take these lbs off.  Soon enough, but not before growing tremendously…so I hear.   

STRETCH MARKS?:  Luckily no stretch marks still.  Just the wiggle and cheese.  ;)  It’s going to be gone in about 3-4 months.  For reals.  I  have goals. 

SLEEP?:  Sucks.  I wake up at least 3 or 4 times to pee, and sometimes I wake up screaming in pain because of lovely charlie horses.  I get charlie horses rather often; they run in the fam, but these are no ordinary horsies.  These are a-holes.  My entire leg shakes because of the pain, so my poor husband has to hold it down, flex my foot for me because it gets so tired, and massage it at the same time because I cannot stand.  Misery.  I can’t eat bananas - which has been everyone's recommendation, but I am working on more calcium and potassium.  Lawwwd have mercy.   

BEST MOMENT THIS WEEK?:  Having a wonderful check up at the doctor - Coop is doing great!  Spending time with my husband, and having him comfort me.  Also, I had a lovely lunch with a friend this week who is just such an amazing woman.  Talking with her is really incredible, and even though we’re both wrecks right now for various reasons, she is a pillar of strength and love – and I cannot thank her enough for her friendship. 

WORST MOMENT THIS WEEK?:  See "story time" below.

MISS ANYTHING?:  Wine & champagne.  Sushi.  Working out.  Feeling like myself.  Having “fun.”  Yes, my name is currently Debbie Downer.  Pleased-ish to meet you. 

MOVEMENT?:  He’s moving so much!  This is also a great moment for the week.  He’s going to be an active lil (oh please lil?!?) one!  I can’t wait! 

FOOD CRAVINGS?:  Can’t curb this sweet tooth (Oreo's and chocolate), but I have been eating more veggies and salads, which is nice.  I also had a weird and sudden craving for pizza on Sunday night.  Maybe my body knows that 2 months from now it won’t get to indulge like this, so it’s like…hmm...what else can we get away with and cram inJ 

ANYTHING MAKING ME QUEASY / SICK?:  Life.  Decisions.  Myself. 

LABOR SIGNS?:  Maybe a few Braxton Hicks, but nothing major.  Sunday was interesting, and I had cramping on my lower right side and a tight tummy – but it wasn’t anything serious.  Thank goodness.  We want Coop as healthy as possible.  Stay in there for at least 5 more weeks baby boy!  Gotta get at least to "full term."  (Full term = 37 weeks.  Regular pregnancy = 40 weeks.)

SYMPTOMS / MOODS?:  Back pain, swollen feet, waddling, exhaustion,  heartburn city, hormonal breakdowns.  All that fun stuff.  Bless my husband for putting up with me.  Though, I am starting to feel better, emotionally - but the last week was rough - so I am bloggin' about it.   

BELLY BUTTON IN or OUT?: In-ish, still.

WEDDING RINGS OFF or ON?:  On.

LOOKING FORWARD TO...?:  Meeting my son and falling even more in love with him.  Feeling like myself again, or feeling like a better version of myself once I’m a Mama.  Finishing our registry completion so we can get organized for our little bundle of joy.  Finally taking my life in my hands and doing what I want to do…see below. 

Now onto "story time"...
For those that know me, it won’t surprise you that this past week+ has been enormously challenging for me.  Emotionally, I am tapped out y’all.  I had a breakdown just over a week ago completely out of the blue. 

People have asked if it was because I had just gotten home from seeing family – and while our trip was incredible and I do miss everyone – that isn’t why.  Good thought though, that's usually the case. ;) 

People have also told me to relax, and it’s probably just hormone related.  I know that hormones are playing a role (and that is why I cry at just about everything), but it’s more than that too.   

I won't go into super specific details, at least for now, because they're personal, and honestly - I am still trying to navigate them and feel better.  I will, however, talk a little about them because this is my blog, my way to remember what's going on, maybe get some other input, and hopefully maybe this will help some of you...? 

Because some folks were worried, I will say that I am fine and so is our baby boy - praise God!  I am working through my saddness and anxiety with the help of my amazing husband, my wonderful family and some incredible friends - who are all offering an ear, advice, a shoulder to cry on, etc.  Life is just hard sometimes, and we're currently not seeing eye to eye on some things, life and me.  But I am working on it - sorting out what I want and what is best for my family - and will hopefully find peace, fulfillment, excitement and joy very soon!  Yes, it is mostly career and location related.  It's also about finding a peace within myself and trying to learn to love myself.  Right now I just feel asleep, and I am just waiting for life to excite and fulfill me again so I can wake up, live and enjoy!   

I think it's enormously important to mention that I know how blessed I am - which is making me feel totally selfish and ungrateful for having these feelings.  But, with the help of friends, I've decided that I am allowed to feel happy and excited about my blessings, while also awknowledging that I am a little sad.  I can be both.  I am SO blessed, I know this.  Truly.  I just happen to be blessed, and a little lost.      

Thank you for your support and love. 

XOXO

Comments

jen said…
Love it. Love you. You're a deep well, and it's okay to be complex! Voice of truth. Remember it. xoxoxo :)
Thanks Jen. You're my hero. Love you.
jen said…
Well, I think "hero" might be pushing it a little. :) I just love you and am here if you need me. xo
Anonymous said…
I started reading your blog because of the cute "Bump" pictures and now eagerly await your entries because I find you to be inspirational and you have some of the same feelings I do. My husband and I have been married 2 months but together 8 years...we've each sacrificed things we love in order for our relationship to work, however I sacrificed my passion and love of horses and working with them to be with him. I currently am in a job I am not satisfied with but our relationship is fabulous ~ I know I have to work hard to find something I want to do and while I'm happy - I'm also miserable - thank you for showing me I'm not the only one feeling this way - I wish you nothing but the best!!! Thank you for your blog and for sharing your life...it's helping me a lot!!!
Thanks for the note. I'm glad to know I am not the only one. We gotta stick together. :)

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