the weight on my shoulders...or on my hips...whatever.
i need to vent.
so it's no secret if you know me that you know i have self-esteem issues, especially when it comes to weight. for the longest time i've fluctuated from 115-155 lbs. that's a pretty significant difference. i know this.
back in high school and college i was in pretty great shape, and yet i never felt like i was. i was dating this guy who i thought i loved, but i realize now i couldn't possibly love someone who made a list about all of my flaws. yes. he made a list. on paper. and i found it. i won't list everything, but one was that my "yo-yo weight" bothered him, so to remedy that i "needed to go to the gym twice a day." yes, if you're wondering, i continued to date him even after i found the list. we broke up in my sophomore year of college after 5 years. i can't blame all of my weight concerns on him, but i always remember that.
fast forward many years, relationships, pounds (lost and gained), and life lessons later to...now. i am getting married to the love of my life. the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. and i am working out so hard every. single. day. i am eating so healthy. i have cut out drinking, for the most part. i don't have sweets or cheese anymore. (yes, cheese. it's SO hard...ugh....haha.) i was expecting to lose a ton of weight...but i haven't. i am doing everything right, and don't understand why more of an improvement isn't showing. while i am freaking out inside (and outside sometimes - poor eric), eric continually reminds me that he loves me, he is marrying me, and i am perfect for him. he doesn't want a stick figure wife. and while that is absolutely so amazing to hear...i always wanted to be a thin, glowing bride. maybe i'll just have to settle for glowing, and that my damn dress zips. ;) i know - all that matters is there will be love - we'll all be surrounded by so much love!
i will continue to go to the gym every day. to eat really well. and to skip the cocktails, sweets, and cheese (and carbs for the most part)...and i hope that it pays off for the day i've been dreaming of since i was a little girl. and for life. i am going to stay healthy and not let my weight slip away from me again. i am so much happier and more positive when i am working out and thinner.
on a parting note: i was recently reading a magazine where they were showing the best and worst celebrity bikini bodies. the one's who were the best were really in great shape...but one of the "worst" bodies they chose really pissed me off. sorry if that was crass, but it really did. it was kristen davis (charlotte from sex and the city) in a bikini. you tell me if you think she looks "fat" in this picture...
while i agree it's not overly flattering, give me a break. she is gorgeous. the media and our society places too much pressure on women to be PERFECT...and it sucks.
that's my report for now...more to come! (and i'll be more positive, i promise, haha!)
so it's no secret if you know me that you know i have self-esteem issues, especially when it comes to weight. for the longest time i've fluctuated from 115-155 lbs. that's a pretty significant difference. i know this.
back in high school and college i was in pretty great shape, and yet i never felt like i was. i was dating this guy who i thought i loved, but i realize now i couldn't possibly love someone who made a list about all of my flaws. yes. he made a list. on paper. and i found it. i won't list everything, but one was that my "yo-yo weight" bothered him, so to remedy that i "needed to go to the gym twice a day." yes, if you're wondering, i continued to date him even after i found the list. we broke up in my sophomore year of college after 5 years. i can't blame all of my weight concerns on him, but i always remember that.
fast forward many years, relationships, pounds (lost and gained), and life lessons later to...now. i am getting married to the love of my life. the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. and i am working out so hard every. single. day. i am eating so healthy. i have cut out drinking, for the most part. i don't have sweets or cheese anymore. (yes, cheese. it's SO hard...ugh....haha.) i was expecting to lose a ton of weight...but i haven't. i am doing everything right, and don't understand why more of an improvement isn't showing. while i am freaking out inside (and outside sometimes - poor eric), eric continually reminds me that he loves me, he is marrying me, and i am perfect for him. he doesn't want a stick figure wife. and while that is absolutely so amazing to hear...i always wanted to be a thin, glowing bride. maybe i'll just have to settle for glowing, and that my damn dress zips. ;) i know - all that matters is there will be love - we'll all be surrounded by so much love!
i will continue to go to the gym every day. to eat really well. and to skip the cocktails, sweets, and cheese (and carbs for the most part)...and i hope that it pays off for the day i've been dreaming of since i was a little girl. and for life. i am going to stay healthy and not let my weight slip away from me again. i am so much happier and more positive when i am working out and thinner.
on a parting note: i was recently reading a magazine where they were showing the best and worst celebrity bikini bodies. the one's who were the best were really in great shape...but one of the "worst" bodies they chose really pissed me off. sorry if that was crass, but it really did. it was kristen davis (charlotte from sex and the city) in a bikini. you tell me if you think she looks "fat" in this picture...
while i agree it's not overly flattering, give me a break. she is gorgeous. the media and our society places too much pressure on women to be PERFECT...and it sucks.
that's my report for now...more to come! (and i'll be more positive, i promise, haha!)
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